Middle East ceasefire great success, report civilians amidst missile strikes

World leaders have united in praising the extraordinary success of the April ceasefire between Israel, Iran and the United States, which has now entered its third month of not especially existing.

The agreement, brokered with considerable fanfare in early April, has since been violated by Israel over 3,400 times in Lebanon alone, a figure officials describe as “part of the process.”

Iran, for its part, launched three waves of missiles at Israel overnight in response to attacks on Beirut, targeting cities including Tel Aviv, while Israeli warplanes simultaneously struck air defence installations in Tehran, Isfahan and Tabriz, and hit a petrochemical complex in southwestern Iran large enough to be visible from space.

Iran-backed Houthi rebels in Yemen, not wishing to be left out of the ceasefire, fired additional missiles at Israel from the south. Iran also found time to launch attacks on Kuwait and Bahrain, which the Gulf Cooperation Council condemned as “treacherous terrorist acts,” in the language typically reserved for events that are going quite badly.

President Trump, surveying a region in which multiple countries are actively exchanging ballistic missiles, posted on social media that everything is going as perfectly and peacefully as planned.

The Strait of Hormuz, through which a fifth of the world’s oil passes, remains largely closed. Talks are scheduled to resume later this month.

The ceasefire, diplomats confirmed, remains technically in place.