The world’s imploding but the biggest woe for some is glasses fall off our faces

The problem with the internet is that it has given people the opportunity to have a lengthy opinion on anything at all, and more often than not, these are mostly things that ought to be reserved for a personal diary or kept for “isn’t it funny how” in-person small talk.

While these running commentaries are largely easy to ignore in the wider world, if you happen to find yourself conveniently married to an editor at a major news outlet,  you can miraculously build a side-hustle with a not-even-ironically-funny dad-joke-fanbase by writing articles that are longform embodiments of the WhatsApp group chat comment everyone ignores, no one replies to, and people aren’t even sure who the person even is.

One such article could go something like, “I’ve tried everything, from Pritt Stick to antiperspirant, but [my glasses] refuse to stay put.”

Cue over 300 words about how “my glasses keep slipping down my nose”, and a bizarre array of attempts to keep them on one’s face where Pritt Stick or rubbing your face with deodorant is apparently more reasonable than, say, buying a frame that actually fits…?

To be fair, some people do have the ability to write utter nonsense about the most inane things in the world – but are at least somewhat entertaining or funny about the whole thing.

Much like the WhatsApp group commentaries from which articles like these are surely plucked, however, the entire thing is just a dire waste of time, and even though “comment is free”, perhaps we should all really be free to not hear everyone’s comments on everything all the bloody time.

“We provide this for free, for everyone to read”, the Guardian notes.

Please consider this – what if, you, you know, don’t.