Farage Solves Migration Crisis With Mobile Game App

Channel crossings are down 43% this year under the Labour government, a fact Reform has responded to by releasing a migrant boat game.

Nigel Farage, whose entire political career has been defined by stopping boats, has launched a mobile phone game about stopping boats.

Small Boat Scramble, released Monday, puts the player in command of a Royal Navy vessel intercepting migrant dinghies in the English Channel.

Reform UK has proposed doing this in real life under a plan they have called the largest military operation in the Channel since D-Day, which military experts have described as unworkable. The game, however, only requires a smartphone making Farage’s dream more achievable.

Players face small boats, mega-dinghies, and a power-up called a Boriswave — Reform’s term for a surge in legal migration under the Conservative government, several members of which now sit in Reform UK and have not explained this.

Though the game itself doesn’t stop any actual boats, the prize for the highest scorer is £5,000.

The £5,000 prize for the highest scorer represents excellent value, being roughly equivalent to two weeks’ accommodation at one of the government hotels Reform has repeatedly described as an unconscionable luxury being extended to illegal arrivals, and considerably less than the £766 million Britain recently paid France to tackle the problem through conventional means, with partial results.

Reform currently holds no government power, has spent the summer fighting a by-election against a bin, and is awaiting the outcome of investigations for undeclared donations.

Net migration has fallen to its lowest level in over a decade, a reduction the government attributes to diplomatic agreements Reform opposes. The boats are, by most available metrics, being somewhat stopped.

The app is free to download, instantly playable, and the most functional version of Reform’s small boats policy currently in existence.