Trump Expands Presidential Ambitions With New Campaign to “Make Venezuela Fluent Again”

In a development that has alarmed constitutional lawyers and language teachers, Donald Trump has unveiled his latest post-presidential career plan: immediate transfer to Caracas, followed by a brisk crash course in Spanish, to run for president of Venezuela.

The new campaign rests on two solid pillars. First, that he is, by his own account, “polling higher than anybody has ever polled” in Venezuela. Second, that Spanish, a language of some 500 million speakers, can be mastered in roughly the time it takes to set up a golf buggy.

There are obstacles. Currently, Venezuela’s constitution, tiresomely, requires its president to be Venezuelan. Spanish, equally awkwardly, requires verbs. And there is the faint inconsistency that only weeks ago, the same aspiring presidential-polyglot declared he had no intention of learning another language at all.

Still, why let reality intrude on a perfectly reasonable geopolitical thought experiment? After all, the modern doctrine of leadership appears to hinge less on eligibility than on vibes, self-certified polling, and a robust belief in one’s own aptitude for the ambitious.

For in an age where borders, norms, and occasionally facts are now treated as optional, the idea of a roaming, multilingual presidency feels less impossible than merely… pending.