Home Depot Apologises After $58 Plastic Applique Accidentally Becomes Official White House Architectural Style

President Donald Trump has angrily dismissed rumours that the new golden flourishes in the Oval Office were purchased from Home Depot, insisting that every inch of the décor is “real gold, the realest gold, the kind of gold that laughs at poor people”.

In an interview with Fox News host Laura Ingraham, Trump proudly guided her around the newly renovated office which now resembles the lobby of an especially hopeful Las Vegas casino. When Ingraham asked whether the ornate mouldings had come from the hardware aisle, Trump responded with the tone of a man who has personally inspected every gold bar in Fort Knox.

“This is not Home Depot stuff,” he said. “You cannot imitate gold. Nobody has ever imitated gold in the history of gold. People are saying it.”

The worldcollectively nodded and scrolled on, while the Home Depot website quietly marked the suspiciously similar appliques as “sold out”. The manufacturer, noting that their polyurethane fripperies now appeared to be part of United States heritage, issued a polite statement confirming that yes, they do work with people in Washington and no, they are not responsible for what happens after delivery.

Online critics have described the renovations as “a bit much” for a country still mid government shutdown, with several million people unable to claim benefits while the Oval Office is fitted out like a themed dessert trolley. Others have objected to the broader pattern of presidential home improvements which has included paving over the Rose Garden to make it more comfortable for guests wearing heels and demolishing the East Wing to make space for a 90,000 square foot ballroom.

Asked about the destruction of the historic wing, Trump replied that it had looked like hell anyway and that the new ballroom would be “one of the greatest in the world, maybe the universe, nobody knows ballrooms better than me”.

The public, exhausted, responded by agreeing to believe whatever causes the least trouble.