Princess no one’s heard about makes independent choices

A Princess probably no one has heard of decided to delete her Instagram, sending tabloids into frenzied distress and speculation over absolutely nothing for no reason whatsoever.

As if we’re stuck in some weird Disney horrortale, the essay in question suggests we’re all supposed to be engrossed with the fact that said Princess may now also be living in Switzerland.

Breaking news everyone: woman moves country because she probably doesn’t like her husband.

The royals really are just like us.

Somehow though, someone somewhere managed to write over 4,000 words on the devastating situation, including a two year timeline that included such insightful observations like “Princess posts Instagram picture of herself” and “the royal goes outside”.

It’s like the most uneventful spin-off of The Crown ever.

I wish I had that much flair of verbose nonsense when I was at university – I wouldn’t have struggled to flesh out my essays.

But I’m not going to write 4,000 words on this. No one should. I’m going outside.

Who knows. Maybe someone will write 4,000 words on me.