Beer gardens erupt with customers lying to themselves about having ‘just one pint’

Things that are guaranteed to define summer in the UK are:

• boiled eggs inexplicably accompanying the ‘picky bits’ salad dinner
• quickly switching from ‘isn’t it lovely’ to ‘it’s too hot for this’ the moment you try to do anything
• frantically scheduling all plans around nabbing a table at a beer garden.

Of course, with the beer garden comes the age-old lie that one – or at most, a couple – will be had.

As sailors once plunged to their deaths at sea, the less noble but very real siren call of the beer garden is simply too strong for Brits to resist. It’s a place where time seems to stand still, responsibilities fade into the background, and the notion of self-control becomes a distant memory.

Yes, the notion of limiting oneself to a single pint seems like a noble and responsible goal. The intention is there, and like Brits, it is sincere and well-meaning.

One pint quickly turns into two, then three, and before you know it, the original promise of moderation is tossed aside like a forgotten beer coaster as the initial commitment to a single pint dissolves faster than the ice in a warm pint of lager.

Thus the excuses begin: “Well, it’s a special occasion,” they say, conveniently forgetting that every summer day in the beer garden is a special occasion. “I’m just treating myself,” they claim, as if that extra pint is a well-deserved reward for surviving another day in the sun.

So as summer finally begins to beam down on us, let’s all raise a glass to the universal truth that sometimes, one pint is simply not enough.