Despite illuminating a clock, Christmas lights fail to turn on at right time

As further proof that the UK is a failed nation, the Christmas lights adorning Brighton’s clock tower have been delayed from switching on.

Teams installing festive lighting on the tower discovered an issue with a holding bar on the West Street-facing side of the clock, with a new bar needing to be made.

And apparently, the bar for society itself has completely fallen through the floor.

It’s a further symptomatic outcome of the UK’s retreat from international acclaim, instead falling victim to mockery and mutterings about Brexit.

Germany responded, “Of course they couldn’t even light a clock on time”, while France guffawed beneath the twinkling all-year-round Eiffel Tower lightshow.

Hopeful residents were dismayed to find further national embarrassment had ensued, with one lamenting, “We just can’t have nice things anymore, can we.”

And so the disappointed crowd of warmly dressed viewers who were holding mugs of mulled wine or hot chocolate effortlessly purchased at the annual Christmas Market stall instead returned to their own fully decorated and illuminated homes, muttering how the system was failing and social collapse is imminent.

Others suggested the clock tower ought to be pulled down entirely anyway, since time is a manmade construct anyway which isn’t inclusive and therefore marginalises society.