Retailers launch Trillionaire’s Tuesday to follow Black Friday

Following the frenzy of Black Friday and Cyber Monday, retailers are pleased to announce the launch of a brand-new shopping event – Trillionaire Tuesday.

The day after all those hard-won savings, customers can expect to see prices soar thousands above the RRP, only allowing the trillionaires to buy things that are also worth trillions.

“After the thrill of Black Friday, we thought we’d give everyone a chance to experience the full, unbridled joy of overpaying for things again,” said an Amazon press release. “We had to make up for the insane amounts of profit we lost during those so-called ‘discount days.’ Honestly, we’ve got Q4 targets to meet, and if we can’t make them, well, it’s your fault for thinking we were ever serious about those offers.”

Retailers are going all in this year with an even more mind-boggling level of price inflation, with everything from the latest tech gadgets to everyday essentials being marked up beyond imagination or any feasible purchase.