Pub opts to serve social consciousness in place of alcohol

A pub in Bristol has traded drinks for discourse in a bid to out-woke other establishments.

“Instead of serving our customers, we will now give them ethical leaflets on how their beverage of choice has no place in this world,” bosses explained.

“People have definitely been confused,” one bartender laughed. “They come in here wanting a drink, which we can no longer give them. But the taste of an ethical stance nobody asked for is more important.”

Beverages like Thatchers cider, Coke, Heineken, Bacardi and Tyskie will no longer be served at The Red Lion. Pubs that refuse to serve these drinks are refusing to accept the difficult parts of history that we ought to be able to make each other aware of without ridding the world of a pint standing in solidarity with the ethical value of moral grandstanding social consciousness.

Staff justified the decision by saying, “There are plenty of beverages to enjoy that don’t taste of a social accountability that can be weaponised to offend other customers. I certainly hope people experience a feeling of unnecessarily guilt for choosing to drink whatever the hell they like, and that they will be more mindful and aligned with modern ethical liquids for this day and age.”

“Some people say it’s an obnoxious decision, but they’re definitely joking. And business has definitely been slow – but I just think they’re staying at home having a good long think about how they’ve been inherently complicit in injustice by choosing these drinks throughout their lives.”