Short people will save the planet

Gone are the simpler times when we could just date whoever we liked because we liked them.

Want to save money? Food? THE PLANET?

Have children with short people.

You know how kids do that thing where they just grow, and you have to keep buying them new shoes, they switch from liquid foods to solids, then they become adults and their clothes are bigger and they eat even more?

It’s a disaster for the planet and its resources – and the best, scientifically proven strategy to saving the world is ultimately, to shrink. Bonus points of you prevent your children from growing at all by keeping them in a medieval cage and prevent the unnatural phenomenon of bone growth entirely.

Besides, men have supposedly always felt pressured to be tall – but wouldn’t it be better if they used all that energy that is wasted on growing to impress a mate and instead used it to develop wit and conversational skills, and at the same time, remain under 3-foot?

It’s beautiful that we live in a world where we’re encouraged not to shrink ourselves; but there’s so much potential in shrinking our actual bodies. And it probably won’t be long before Elon Musk begins building a shrinking machine.

Because here’s the kicker: “lowering the height minimum for prospective partners on your dating profile is a step toward a greener planet”.

There you have it ladies and gents, lower your height, but never the bar! Together, we can rid the planet of giants and live happier, greener lives.