Rishi Sunak to burn UK to the ground to help climate crisis

Rishi Sunak is expected to announce plans to set fire to the UK in a major U-turn to climate policies.

“The government is committed to uniting around a clean environment – and what better way to turn everything around and meet our targets than to set fire to the entire country and start all over again?,” he explained.

While some consider dooming the country to a perpetual inferno is a bad idea, this is the latest in a string of policies that Sunak promises will help the UK meet its net zero targets.

All the smoke that would inevitably fill the air will be blown back over Europe in accordance with the Brexit agreement.

“This is the best way to keep everyone happy – if everything’s on fire, then people won’t be driving anywhere, and I can push through my delay on a petrol ban and keep raking in the millions from investments. It’s win-win for everyone!”