Reporters confirm presence of sun during heatwave

Amid the frenzied heatwave panic, one Sky News reporter took to a train station in Birmingham to introduce the public to a thermometer, a once-defunct piece of scientific apparatus used to measure the approach of looming self-combustion.

Many were both scared and confused by the thermometer, since the majority of Brits have never been able to determine temperature before by simply looking outside, listening to a weather forecast or simply shoving a hand out a window.

“We know this is serious because we’re being shown the temperature, as a number. We can see it. It’s something like witchcraft,” one viewer definitely did not say.

In a ground-breaking cinematic split-screen, producers kept a camera firmly focused on the blinding sun in the sky, both as confirmation that it is, in fact, there, and to thereby prove unquestionably that this so-called ‘Sun’ is the horrifying culprit for these temperatures – and it doesn’t seem to want to go away.

This stoked further panic, as the majority of the public have had to fly abroad to find proof of the sun. Perhaps they ought to have included a follow up segment where people could confirm what the sun is, what it does, and why it’s even there in the first place.

We are in uncharted territory folks, and the hysteria continues.