Princess Heroically Discovers That Staring at Your Phone While Ignoring Your Family Is Bad

In a groundbreaking revelation that scientists are calling “incredibly obvious”, the Princess of Wales, has warned the nation that spending too much time on smartphones may, in fact, be bad for family life.

The announcement, described by palace insiders as “the boldest statement since gravity was confirmed to still work,” came as the Princess co-authored an essay warning of an “epidemic of disconnection.” The piece argued that scrolling through your phone at dinner instead of listening to your children is detrimental to family bonding — something researchers, therapists, and literally every grandparent since 2007 have been saying for years.

The essay, written with Harvard professor Robert Waldinger, notes that parents are increasingly distracted by screens, giving their families “less attention than ever.”

The paper cites modern behaviours such as checking notifications mid-conversation or doom-scrolling during mealtimes — though it stopped short of mentioning any other potential sources of distraction, such as the crushing responsibility of maintaining a centuries-old monarchy or coordinating one’s tiara with the national mood.

Prince William recently added that none of their three children own smartphones, a statement critics suggested is easy to enforce when your family has several estates, no public transport commutes, and a personal staff.

Meanwhile, Buckingham Palace confirmed the Princess is planning a follow-up essay titled Water: Wet?,  a bold continuation of her pioneering work on the obvious.