Not (not) the News: May’s Flop Stories

May’s top stories that may or may not have happened, written as they should’ve been.

Prime Minister’s New Approach to Strikes: Just Pretend They’re a Public Holiday

UK’s Plan to Fix Public Transport: Collectively Wish Really Hard for Fewer Delays and More Trains

UK Air Quality Improves: Now You Only Need a Gas Mask on Days Ending in ‘Y’

New Anti-Obesity Campaign: Encourages People to Walk to the Fridge Less Often

Britain’s New Green Tax: Now You’ll Be Charged Extra for Using a Plastic Fork, Even in Your Own Kitchen