NATO Starts New Group Chat Without Trump After Greenland Messages “Get Weird Again”

NATO has confirmed it has created a separate group chat excluding Donald Trump after the former US president once again began “floating ideas” about acquiring Greenland, prompting what officials described as “a collective, audible sigh across Europe.”

The new chat, titled NATO (no chaos), was reportedly set up late Tuesday night after Trump sent a message reading simply: “Greenland. Thoughts?” followed by a gif of a shopping cart.

“Look, we tried engaging,” said one diplomat, scrolling furiously. “But every time someone mentions sovereignty, he replies with ‘what if tho’.”

Screenshots seen by this publication show Denmark typing “it is not for sale” 14 times before being advised by Germany to “stop feeding it.”

Instead, NATO leaders moved discussion of the situation to the new chat, where members have been sharing calming techniques, Arctic maps, and reminders that “you do not actually have to answer every message.”

“The group chat is not about excluding anyone,” a NATO spokesperson insisted. “It’s about creating a safe space to process things like this.”

Greenland remains part of the Kingdom of Denmark, despite Trump’s continued interest and several poorly cropped images of icebergs. NATO has reiterated its commitment to collective defence, democratic values, and never, under any circumstances, explaining this again.

At press time, Trump was reportedly still typing.