Man annoyed cats kill birds in his garden blames pets for climate change

A disgruntled man was devastated to find that upon waking one morning, a neighbour’s cat had “ravaged” his home-made bird nest in his garden. Other cats in the neighbourhood also adopted the unforgivable habit of giving in to feline instinct by loitering around his pond in the hunt for frogs.

Not content with this unforgivable behaviour of cats, he pulled dogs into the equation, concluding that pets hunt and kill wild animals (despite literally being the nature of animals) and therefore contribute to … *checks notes* … “destructive consumerism” which is responsible for … climate change.

Here’s a bunch of his probably true stats.

More people own cats compared to 1981. Probably because there are generally more people compared to 1981, but that’s not his point.

Cats kill frogs, snakes, small mammals and birds, and are single paw-edly causing their extinction.

Actually, wait, both cats and dogs are killing wildlife.

They also have to eat, which means carbon emissions from the production and disposal of food packaging and tins.

Also, what they eat is contributing to climate change – fish and meat are high-carbon.

Now while all this may be true, I think we’re missing the glaring issue here. Packaging, recycling, carbon emissions, are all human faults in production. Before the pet boom, humans were already causing irreparable damage to the planet during industrial revolutions; there are more of us; we drive, cut down trees, mass farm animals; burn coal, oil, gas, 24/365.

Ultimately, what we have here is someone who doesn’t like cats (or dogs, apparently), who is rather miffed a cat did what cats do and hunted birds in his garden.

And as a snake owner, I’m also offended by my lack of consideration in this article. Do I not count as a qualified pet owner? Must I own a specifically furry four-legged creature in order to be considered an inconsiderate proponent of climate change? WHAT ABOUT MY FISH TANK?

He probably also doesn’t want to stop driving, flying, or sit in the dark, and so instead, will blame our furry friends. I will, however, remind my pets in future that it’s all their fault, because humans are apparently very good at blaming anything on anyone but themselves.