Jeremy Hunt set to announce campaign for millennials to buy more tofu to help end recession

After being relentlessly slandered for complaining about housing prices despite living a lavish lifestyle of unreasonable purchases like Netflix subscriptions and tofu, Jeremy Hunt is set to outline an investment boost for ‘wokerati’ commercial sectors.

Ahead of announcing the UK budget, the chancellor hinted that the government will be launching a campaign to encourage millennials to buy more oat milk lattes, avocados and streaming subscriptions to boost the UK economy and help pull it out of a recession.

“There’s an entire generation of incredibly lazy and entitled people who still selfishly stopped buying imported woke foods like tofu and opulent oat milk pumpkin coffees from independent baristas, despite being told if they stopped they’d be able to buy a house and pay off student loans in no time,” he explained.

“And now look at the state of the economy. Despite our government trying to weather the storm by triggering a cost of living crisis and raising taxes to encourage people to keep spending and prevent a recession, here we are.”

Hunt emphasised there’s only so much the government on you, and the onus is now on the most-mocked generation to take charge of things.

“We need them to smash our spending quotas like they smash those avocados. So, I will announce a full ‘millennial package’ as part of a budget to encourage investing in non-essential commodities to fend off an economic and social depression.”