Green M&M finally qualifies as feminist role model

No doubt I speak for absolutely nobody when I say that the lack of sensible footwear worn by the green M&M has been an abhorrent, damaging experience to witness for every woman on Earth.  

But hope is alive – Mars Wrigley has announced that the green M&M shall no longer wear boots, but trainers, and the brown M&M shall wear heels of a more commuter-friendly, lower height.  

 This still carries an immense amount of disappointment – why should she be wearing heels at all? In fact, women, why are YOU? Did you know are reinforcing the anti-feminist culture of anthropomorphised chocolate cartoons wearing heels?  

Such behaviour simply has no place in modern society. The gumption of these non-sentient beings, created purely for visual interest so that people purchase the goods they sell, telling us what to wear. The decisions around these chocolate characters who are inspirational role models has been deeply damaging to the shopping experience of women all over the world who stand heartbroken and confused in shoe shops, buying things they don’t even like, all because of M&Ms.  

Nobody, nothing, should tell you what to wear. So women, do not rest until the revolution of banning high heels comes into force! Until we can finally look up to formless abstractions advertising us something completely unrecognisable and point to the flat shapeless blobs on our feet, turn to one another and say, ‘Did we win? Is this feminism?’