Following confusion, Jeremy Corbyn pressured into naming new party “Definitely Not Labour”

In a move that has baffled political commentators and delighted Twitter comedians, Jeremy Corbyn has officially announced the name of his new political party: Definitely Not Labour.

The name, reportedly selected after a chaotic community vote in which options included The People’s Front of Islington, Redirection 2025, and Keir’s Worst Nightmare, was chosen to clear up “any and all confusion” about whether the party is affiliated with Labour. “It’s very important people know what we’re not,” said Corbyn at a press conference outside a Hackney allotment. “We’re not Labour. We’re not neoliberal. We’re not interested in wearing suits unless they’re second-hand.”

Party members insist the name will appear “in bold, underlined, and possibly flashing” on all ballots to avoid any mix-ups with that other party — the one that may or may not have kicked out most of its left wing.

Early campaign materials feature Corbyn posing with a redacted Labour logo and the slogan, “Insert Party Name Here”

Sources close to the former Labour leader say there were concerns over legal challenges, but Corbyn reportedly assured colleagues, “They can’t sue us for not being them.”

Definitely Not Labour is expected to campaign on a platform of public ownership, peace, and slightly confusing name-based branding decisions.

Keir Starmer’s office has declined to comment, but one aide was seen muttering, “Oh for the love of Blair,” before locking himself in a stationary cupboard.