Family who hate each other send Christmas card to other people they hate

It’s that time of year again, where everybody has to pretend to like people we’ve never spoken to all year but feel obligated to update them with all the wonderful things we’ve done in order to make others feel bad about the lives they already feel bad about!

And of course, such rituals would not be complete without the traditional smiling family photo, complete with matching outfits.

What came first – the festive ritual that ruined everything for everyone, of the fact that everything was ruined and has been plastered over by this nauseating festive ritual?

Of the Smiths, youngest son John said, “This is something that’s going to haunt me forever – it’s going to end up on the internet somehow, and I look like an absolute pillock.”

His elder sister, Ella, said, “I’m old enough to dress myself, and my parents are still forcing me into this monstrosity. But I’m a coward – I can’t tell them. But nobody’s honest about anything anyway so I guess it’s good practice for adulthood – learning to grin and bear it.”

Husband Steve said, “It’s not my idea. I’m just trying to make my wife happy. I haven’t been able to for years and we both know it.”

As she knocked back a glass of Chardonnay while ushering the family in front of the self-timer, frantic wife Jen said, “Everything’s fine! Doing this is always important to me, we have to look happy. But even though I’m deadly serious about that, it’s fun, honestly! IT captures the true family spirit of Christmas! And our family is better than everyone else’s! And yes we may be getting a divorce this year and I regret all my life choices but everything is perfect!”

The well-trained eye, however, can spot the dark emptiness behind those staring eyes that frighten their way out of your festive mail, presenting a glossed card of people that hate themselves, and ultimately, each other.

Unhappy Holidays everyone!

header image: Awkward Family Photos