Chinese spies were actually just spying on other spies to help UK government

The Chinese spies discovered in Westminster were there on official business – namely, to uncover British spies within the government, as a favour from the Chinese Communist Party to further strengthen relations between the two countries.

“They were actually sent to do a favour for the UK government,” a spokesman for the CCP explained.

“They have so much going on at the moment, it’s obvious to the entire world that the country is falling apart so we thought, why not send over some of our own spies who have nothing else to do to help protect the government?”

While at Westminster, the Chinese spies also made sure the British politicians were toeing the party line, and not suddenly remembering that democracy is a good idea.

“It’s easy to forget things when you’re overwhelmed,” the spokesman said. “That’s why our maintenance teams help make sure everything is running as we want it to – I mean, as it should be.”

“This is definitely not espionage,” he promised. “We are actually helping to keep the UK secure. It’s all just a kind, selfless gesture. I am shocked by the thanks we get for all the help we have freely offered for absolutely no benefit of our own.”