BoJo Declares Trump’s Comeback Proof of His Own Inevitable Destiny

In the most humbling of revelations, Boris Johnson, former prime minister and current self-appointed Champion of The People, has concluded that Donald Trump’s sensational return to favor means his own glorious comeback is no longer a question of “if” but “when.”

Despite being publicly dismissed by the media and quietly removed from a U.S. election broadcast for “reasons they couldn’t possibly comprehend,” Johnson feels it’s just a matter of time before his triumphant return to power.

“Clearly, the people crave a blustering, truth-flexible, self-loving showman,” Johnson proclaimed, “and I, Boris, am nothing if not a man of the people.”

As the wind of politics shifts, Boris has decided that America’s choice to flirt with the idea of Trump’s comeback, once deemed a mild lapse of collective sanity, is indeed a beacon of clarity for Britain. “Remember, Trump loved me. I loved Trump. It was the meeting of great minds,” he continued with the air of a man who never once doubted his enduring charm.

“Yes, yes, there’s the pesky detail of becoming an MP again—damned inconvenient, that—but let’s be real, the people are simply waiting for me to grace them with my leadership once more. It’s no more than a bureaucratic hiccup. Soon, I will rise anew, like Napoleon after Elba, or, dare I say, Caesar crossing the Rubicon.”

And with an undeniable glint in his eye, he concluded, “America has spoken, and the UK’s echo is simply a matter of cosmic alignment. Soon, I’ll be standing at Trump’s right hand—or perhaps he’ll be at mine. Let’s leave that up to fate, shall we?”