By Prime Planet
Artemis mission to boldly relocate Earth’s problems 384,400 km away
The long-anticipated Artemis moon launch has prompted concern among several interplanetary bodies, who have warned the rest of the Universe that Earth may soon begin “outsourcing its nonsens” beyond its traditional borders.
Officials involved in the mission insist the programme represents a return to a giant leap for mankind, while quietly acknowledging it may also be a logistical exercise in moving the same old problems to a more scenic postcode.
“We’ve thoroughly tested all systems,” said one spokesperson, gesturing proudly at a rocket suspiciously estimated to be the size of current global anxiety. “If everything goes to plan, we’ll have humans safely back on the Moon, where they can continue with their problems.”
Critics have raised concerns about the wisdom of extending humanity’s reach before it has successfully mastered basic survival mechanisms, describing it more accurately as “an ambitious relocation strategy for issues we’ve grown tired of dealing with locally.”
Critics argue that transporting problems 384,400 kilometres away does not technically solve them, but merely gives them “a better view.” Supporters, however, counter that distance has long been humanity’s preferred coping mechanism.
Interest from the private sector remains strong. Several firms are reportedly exploring “problem-as-a-service” models, allowing governments to outsource failings directly to lunar orbit for a monthly fee.
The Moon federation has so far declined to comment, though sources suggest it is reviewing its options and considering installing a firm ‘no trauma dumping’ policy.
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