Trump Threatens to Sue BBC for $1 Billion Over ‘Misleading Claims’

Donald Trump has announced plans to sue the BBC for $1 billion, accusing the broadcaster of spreading “very dishonest, very rude” misinformation, while remaining blissfully unaware that if every false statement really did cost a billion dollars, he’d be bankrupt 30,000 times over.

The President, who once insisted hurricanes could be stopped with nuclear weapons and that he won “every state, even California,” told reporters outside Mar-a-Lago that he was taking a “strong stand against fake news.”

“Every false claim must have consequences,” Trump said, before adding, “except mine, obviously. Mine are beautiful. Perfect claims. Nobody’s ever seen claims like mine.”

Fact-checkers at The Washington Post famously counted over 30,000 false or misleading statements during Trump’s first term — a total that, by his proposed rate of $1 billion per lie, would land him with a $30 trillion tab. Economists estimate it would take the U.S. printing presses 400 years and the GDP of seven Earths to pay it off.

When asked about the math, Trump dismissed the numbers as another perfect example of fake news.

“These people are just obsessed with me,” he said. “They say I lie. I don’t lie. I tell alternative facts. Very legal, very cool facts. The best facts.”

As we write this, Trump is reportedly considering adding CNN, Sesame Street, and “whoever runs Wikipedia” to the lawsuit for “hurting my feelings and lying about the size of my inauguration crowd.”