Trump Promises to Tackle White House Security Breach—Right After Finishing His Golf Game

Donald Trump has assured the American people that he will definitely address the “massive” White House security breach—just as soon as he sinks this putt.

Speaking from his private golf course, the former president confirmed that the breach was “very serious, very bad,” but insisted that national security shouldn’t get in the way of a strong short game. “We’ll get to it. But first, I’m so close to breaking my personal record. Very important.”

Sources report that White House staff attempted to brief Trump mid-game, only for him to wave them away, muttering something about how “America needs winners, not quitters.”

When asked about concerns over national security, Trump reassured reporters, “We’ve got great people, the best people, looking into it. But I’ve got a tremendous drive coming up, and honestly, I think that’s what the American people want me to focus on.”

Meanwhile, the Secret Service has reportedly been advised to “just figure it out” while Trump lines up his next shot.