British public forget how voting works in petition tantrum

Over two million Brits have apparently decided that one month after Keir Starmer’s historic election win is the perfect time to demand his resignation.

Critics cite his “indecisive leadership”, taxing wealthy landowners, and his refusal to cozy up to the brick-throwing demographic. In short, a petition for another general election has become a shining beacon of collective idiocy.

Sociologist Simon Williams commented, “For centuries, the dumbest among us had the good sense to keep quiet. Now, thanks to social media, they’ve found a new hobby: publicly exposing themselves by signing the most ridiculous petitions imaginable. Honestly, this one might out-stupid the ‘Cancel Article 50’ petition.”

He added, “Labour’s been in charge for four months, following fourteen years of Tory chaos, and people already think Starmer’s had enough time to single-handedly rebuild the nation. The bar for rational thinking is truly in the gutter.”

Meanwhile, petition signatory Derek Matthews defended his stance, saying, “Liz Truss didn’t last longer than a bag of salad, so why should Starmer? Sure, Truss nearly nuked the economy, and all Keir’s done is fail to support my very niche views on immigration. But it’s the principle of the thing.”

This petition: democracy’s finest hour, or just proof that some people don’t actually know how democracy works?