Nigel Farage launches campaign for 8th political loss

Nigel Farage has unexpectedly put himself in the running for the UK general election despite having a 100% success rate in failing to win a seat in parliament.

Running as the leader of the Reform Party, he said,

“We haven’t got long to go but there is so much that needs to be done. We need to boost our campaign with racist campaigns, homophobic slurs, sexist comments, and shooting migrants as quickly and effectively as possible.

Britain needs reform, and this is the only way.”

Ahead of the election, Farage has ordered a nationwide milkshake ban so as not to repeat the events of the EU elections.

“I’ve learned so much in the past 5 years – I have become more unbearable, more controversial, and more determined to not be covered in milkshake when people cannot accept my downright awful ideas.”